Riding Shotgun :: 2011
I was driving east through North Dakota the day after Christmas. It was dark, cold, the road was snow packed and I was in a near blizzard when my friend and ex-sister-in-law called. I answered, said hello and once she said “Hi!”, I asked if she would hold on for just a minute. I muted my phone, the hairs went up on the back of my neck, and my eyes filled with tears. I couldn't believe it was her of all people calling me at that exact moment. I got back on and she asked me how I was, where I was and said that she'd been wanting to talk with me since my mother’s funeral almost two months earlier. Her call was divine intervention. We caught up with each others activities and then she simply, and warmly listened to my grief.
I’d spent a few days in Montana during the Christmas holiday with some members of my family, while my wife and daughter were in Florida to be with her family. I drove to Missoula purposely avoiding my hometown, specifically my mom and dad's house. It would feel uncomfortable and still, like a funeral home filled with types of flowers my mom wouldn't have liked. Like when certain music was chosen for her service that had no real connection to her. The music was more about the people who chose it than it being for my mom — like a Scottish dirge. She wasn't Scottish. The house might feel like that because no one was there, so I drove to Missoula directly where some of my siblings either lived or were visiting. We went out to dinner one night and I visited with some nephews and nieces the following day before heading home.
I looked forward to the return trip because highway driving is always therapy. Seeing family was good, but the drive was a first on an endless road of grief — it’s the mulling, the thinking, the re-thinking, the re-mulling, the crumbling, the talking out loud, the looking, and the picture taking that’s healing. Maybe a little like the Cat Stevens song On the Road to Find Out. After my sister-in-law and I said goodbye, I drove out of the lead edge of the storm where the interstate was dry, and I took the photograph Riding Shotgun with my mom sitting next to me.
For Mom and Janet
Songs :: On the Road to Find Out by Cat Stevens, Joanne by Lady Gaga and Dear Mama by 2Pac
© C. Davidson